Father Forgets

by W. Livingston Larned

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Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.

There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Goodbye, Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!"

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive - and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. "What is it you want?" I snapped.

You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this was my ward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters toninght, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!

It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He is nothing but a boy - a little boy!"

I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.

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Well, at least for now, this story really made my day of today despite everything that has turn up. How a father see and understand his son deep beneath his heart, he knows he was wrong and that makes him fell very shameful. Actually, this is part of the story in the book that I read now, in shaa Allah I will continue to read this book. It helps me to reflect what I am doing right now and what I should not suppose to do. Hmm. :)

Kuala Lumpur.

Don't Date an Occupational Therapist (OT)

Sources: link

Don’t date an OT because she won’t be impressed with your fancy clothes and cool car. She wants to know what you do. What you care about. She won’t be easily wooed by sweet nothings and empty conversations. She'll see past your clever one-liners and coy smiles. She craves intimacy and substance. She won't be so easily caught because she has found a better reason to fly. 

Don’t date an OT because she’ll talk to everyone she meets for far too long. People on the bus, people next to her on the airplane, people in the waiting room. She’ll spend too much time trying to explain what Occupational Therapy is and what it means to her. She wants to get to know everyone's story. Small talk isn’t her thing and she isn’t afraid to ask important questions that require thoughtful answers. She’ll patiently wait for a response and won’t rush people along even if she's in a hurry. There's always time to listen.

Don’t date an OT because she isn’t afraid to cause a scene. She’ll get in an argument over person first language, or using the “r” word. She’s sweet but she’s strong. She’s an advocate. She’s not easily tamed. She’ll point out places that aren’t accessible for people with disabilities. She might even tell the restaurant owner that the bathrooms couldn’t be accessed for someone in a wheelchair while you’re out at dinner. It might make you feel uncomfortable but she doesn’t care. She’ll tell you if you’re being disrespectful or judgmental because she understands that people are so complex. There are contexts, situations, and angles that we cannot see and do not understand from a simple glance.

Don’t date an OT because she knows how fragile life is and how quickly you can lose something. She knows that disability is a minority group that anyone can join and in an instant your life can change. So she won’t want to hear about how mad you are about your phone breaking or your other frivolous complaints. She knows what is important in life. She has seen people who have lost it all and still have so much to give. She knows that the poorest people in the world are those who only have money. She sees past the materialistic world.

Don’t date an OT because she won’t make room for someone who isn’t as passionate as her.She has so much enthusiasm for her career, for her clients, for her work and if you don’t have something equally as fulfilling you’ll feel left out. She loves what she does and she’ll work too hard. She has fire in her belly that propels her forward in a dizzying tornado of energy. She's a hurricane with a fiercely beating heart who never stops to rest. She won't wait for you. She doesn't wait around for love because she's found it in her career.

Don't date an OT because there is never an easy answer to give her. She knows that "life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced". She knows things can't be quantified. She knows that the simple answer is usually not the right answer. She knows that life is so complex and it'll frustrate you to hear her explain theories and explanations about transactionalism and the holistic approach. You can't feed her an easy response. She looks for intelligent conversations and debates that might end in confusion with no clear answer in sight.

Don’t date an OT because she will see the good in everything. So much so it might get annoying. She’s optimistic about change and has faith that everyone has the potential to achieve what they want from life. She knows that even though the world is a broken place, it is so beautiful and full of promise. She truly believes she will make the world a better place. 

Hai Jahiliah!

Pernah tak suatu masa setelah lama kita tinggalkan jahiliah kita, dan kini kita dikelilingi pula dengan jahiliah tersebut dalam kalangan rakan-rakan kita, dan akhirnya kita merasa asing. Asing sehingga tak tahu nak bagi pendapat apa andai mereka membuka topik jahiliah tersebut. Contoh: topik tengok wayang yang latest mahupun yg famous. Contoh lain, cerita atau drama popular melayu masa kini.

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Anda yg sudah lama meninggalkan jahiliah tersebut terasa bagai seorang yang asing dalam kalangan mereka. Apa yang hendak dicakapkan andai kita tak tahu apa yang mereka bicarakan? Mungkin kita masuk dalam perbualan mereka dan enjoy the conversation? Tapi bimbang kita pula yang turut sama lemas tanpa sedar. Atau mungkin sahaja diam tanpa memberi komen apa2 sehingga dicop sebagai kolot?

All n all, semua orang ada reason kenapa tak tengok benda2 tu n kenapa kita tinggalkan jahiliah tu. Yang pasti, jahiliah kita tu, kita je yang tahu. Sampai hari ni, sejauh mana kita dah membuang jahiliah kita? Sanggupkah kita menggadai usaha membuang jahiliah kita tu dengan kembali lemas ke dalamnya? Mungkinkah kali ni takkan keluar lagi? Mungkinkah akan ambik masa lama untuk keluar kembali?

Tak tahu nak cakap apa. Takkan nak marah mereka yang tak tahu. Nak explain pun kena tahu ayat yang betul supaya mereka tak terasa dan supaya hubungan yang baik antara kita dan dia terus baik. No one say its easy.

#sayonarajahiliah #ghuzwatulfikr

Kuala Lumpur